Laura Gets a Hair Cut

I go get my hair trimmed yesterday. Trimmed. The stylist asks me what I want done. A trim, I say. Make it look nice. He starts giving me all these other options. No, I say. A trim, thank you. 

Hair dressers always assume that you want a dramatic change. I've had some dramatic changes and you know what they come with? Dramatic regrets. It's like most hair dressers are waiting for some eccentricity to walk through their door and ask for half their head to be shaved and the rest to be cornrowed and dyed teal. "Yesss! Yesss!" they cackle. Maybe I want to look just about the same as when I entered the salon, rather than having to later face my aghast friends as they chime in, wowwwww...........you chaaaanged your hairrrrrrr.......What do you think? When left with nothing positive to say it's reasonable to ask the victim what they think of their corrupt mess. It's not as forthright, but far more appropriate than other things I have swimming around in my head.

When I go to get my hair done, sometimes I feel like I'm attending a Roast Party for my hair. Your hair is damaged! It's dull! Drab! Have you thought of color? Highlights? Your hair is so dry that-

Literally, I go to the hair dresser and for the first few minutes they point out everything wrong with my hair. Sometimes they'll even take the condensed version and spread it out over the entire 45 minutes. I think they want me to feel so awful about myself that I'll crumble at their mercy and beg them to give me highlights. Well, I don't think so. I have become very defensive about my hair ever since the one time I had it highlighted. It was the result of a spa package I was gifted. The highlights were free! Again, that would be like kicking Freebie Man in the face. So I stressed, "Sun-kissed! No really, like the sun itself has lightly kissed my hair." I came out looking like Pepe le Pew. I vowed to leave my hair natural until I go grey, when I will become a blond like the rest of the women over 50.

One of my favourite things about getting a hair cut, is that they take that half hour to style my hair. That half hour I never take. And since there is so much product holding it all together, it lasts at least a couple days. Most people don't notice I even had a haircut. Just as it should be.

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