The Burbs

"If you say city to people, people have no problem thinking of the city as rife with problematic, screwed-up people, but if you say suburbs - and I'm not the first person to say this, it's been said over and over again in literature - there's a sense of normalcy." -Eric Bogosian
Growing up, I never quite felt at home in my town. Its a suburb just outside of Toronto, in the GTA, if you will. I didn't know exactly where I belonged, but I had a sense that it was not there. Its not a small town...about 250 000 people or so, but its very "suburbs". Its comfortable. People go to work, go to the grocery store, watch American Idol. And there's nothing wrong with that, but somehow all that comfort makes me awful uncomfortable. 
I never thought I would love city life as much as I do, but the moment I got on the Yonge Subway line yesterday, I felt a rush of peace. Something familiar. I was filled with excitement and relief that I was going downtown, into the city.
There's a quote from the movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" that really stood out to me when I first saw it:
"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you." -Benjamin Button
This is so true. Every time I come home, it feels a bit different. Not because much has really changed; my house is the same, my family is the same, my town is the same, but I'm not the same person I was when I was here last. I see everything through different eyes. I feel differently, respond differently. And then I realize, it just doesn't feel like home to me anymore. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, but I think its okay. Finally, I've begun to grow up and find my own path...my own life. And I can't say I'm surprised that that path has lead me away from home. I'm not even sure what this next year will bring or where I'll end up, but I'm working on staying in the moment and peacefully letting it all unfold.

It sure is nice to know that I always have a wonderful family and home to go back to though. 

1 comment:

  1. I can totally relate! Sounds like I will most definitely have a similar experience when I go back to my home town. I think I want to start a blog!!! Miss you.